Category Archives: Linux

Fun with File Permissions – Part 3

Welcome to back to Mike’s 4 Days of Extreme Geekery (yes, Geekery is a word I just made up)! On Day 1 we talked about traditional Unix file permissions. On Day 2 we talked about setfacl and getfacl. Today, I want to go over chattr and lsattr!

What these two commands do is pretty self explanitory. lsattr shows you the attributes currently on a file or directory, and chattr changes those attributes. You use either + or – to add or subtract attributes.

 mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ lsattr mike
 -------------e- mike
 mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ sudo chattr +i mike
 mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ lsattr mike
 ----i--------e- mike
 mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$

The first time I found about the file attributes in Linux, I thought right away, “Hey, this is kinda like DOS!” I know what you’re thinking, and trust me if I could kick my own ass for saying that, I would. It turns out that the file attributes in DOS/Windows suck compared to the Linux version (like most things in DOS/Windows when compared to their Linux counterparts). Quick comparison will show you that DOS/Windows has 5 attributes. They are:

 R: Read Only
 A: Archive
 S: System
 H: Hidden
 I: Index

What each of these attributes does is, well, who cares. We’re not talking about DOS/Windows. The Linux version of file attributes is significantly more advanced. Available file attributes are:

 A: The date of last access is not updated (only useful for reducing disk access on laptops)
 S: The file is synchronous, the records in the file are made immediately on the disc.
 a: The file can be opened in addition to writing
 c: The file is automatically compressed before writing to disk, and unpacked before playback.
 D: The case is synchronous (see:S)
 d: The file will not be saved by the dump
 I: Can not be fixed by chattr only listed by lsattr
 i: The file / directory can not be amended, deleted, renamed or linked symbolically, not even by root.
 j: Mount file system with "data=ordered" or "data=writeback", and files are written to the log before the file.
 s: When the file is destroyed, all data blocks are being released to zero.
 T: Usable from version 2.5.46 kernel.
 u: If the file is deleted, its content is saved, it allows the user to seek its restoration.
 E: Experimental, can detect an error of compression can not be fixed by chattr, but can be listed by lsattr
 X: Experimental shows that the raw data to a compressed file can be accessed directly.
 Z: Experimental, provides information on the status of a compressed file.

As you can see, there are quite a few more file attributes that do significantly more. Some of these are more interesting than others. I’m only going to touch on a few of them that I find interesting. Of course, consult your man page for more information on the others.

The +A attribute basically locks that last accessed time to what it’s currently set at. Set this attribute, and you’re fill will be frozen in time. No more accesses will be recorded.

A really interesting one is the +c. This is an on the fly compression. If you add the +c attribute to an empty directory, everything you write to that directory will be compressed as if you stuck it in a file using gzip9 compression. One odd thing about it is that ls -l doesn’t show a darn thing. You can’t see the compression. I’ve heard that you can see it with a du, but when I was playing around with it, I didn’t see that.

I have to say that my favorite is the +i. I’m not sure what the i stands for, but I’m going with “Immortal”.

mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ lsattr mike
----i--------e- mike
mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ rm mike
rm: remove write-protected regular empty file `mike'? y
rm: cannot remove `mike': Operation not permitted
mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ sudo rm mike
rm: cannot remove `mike': Operation not permitted
mike@PreciseApex:~/mike/test$ sudo rm -f mike
rm: cannot remove `mike': Operation not permitted

With the +i attribute set, this file can not be deleted. Not by the owner, not by root, not by anybody. You have to be root (or equivalent) to set this attribute, so no messing with your admins on servers you don’t own, but still fun.

The last two kind of have to be taken together. +s and +u. If a file with the s attribute is deleted, the blocks where it lived are zeroed out and written to the disk. Bye bye file. Good luck retrieving that one. In contrast, the +u makes sure that the files information is saved just in case you want to undelete it later. +s and +u are opposites. Oddly, you can set both flags on a single file. Not sure what that would do. If you know, throw it into the comments.

That’s an extremely high level view of the file attributes in Linux. I could probably spend weeks on these two commands going over what they do, but I have the feeling that I’d probably lose most of you in that amount of time. Tomorrow, I’m going to take a look at sticky bits! Bound to be fun!

Fun with File Permissions – Part 2

Now, where were we? Oh yea, so the day before yesterday (I know I said I was going to do this daily, but the series finale of Eureka was on!) we covered what’s commonly thought of as the traditional Unix file permission. Permissions are applied using chmod, and can be seen as a -rwxrwxrwx at the front of the line after doing an ls -l.

OK, that’s all well, and good, but what do you do if you want to grant permissions to just a single person, or add different permissions to multiple groups? That’s where the crazy combo of setfacl and getfacl come in. I have a test file called “test”. If I do an ls -l on the file, I see these permissions:

-rw-r----- 1 mike users 0 Jul 15 22:35 test

So, this tells us that I’m the owner, and users is the group the file is assigned to (my group being the default). So, with these permissions, I can read and write to the file, anybody in the group users can read the file, and no one else can do anything with the file. Standard 640.

At this point, if I use one of our commands, the getfacl, I’ll see a little bit different information, but still basically the same:

# file: test
# owner: mike
# group: users
user::rw-
group::r--
other::---

But what if I want to give my wife permissions to that file, but no one else in the group users. One possibility is that I could create a separate group with just my wife and I in it and assign that group rights, but then the users group loses rights to the file. The simple solution is to just add my wife using this command:

setfacl -m u:amy:rx test

If I do an ls -l after this command, there’s only one slight change to tell us that we’ve done anything.

-rw-r-----+ 1 mike users 0 Jul 15 22:35 test

You can see now that there’s a + after the standard -rwxrwxrwx. This is a good sign. It means that our command was successful. If you were to do the getfacl now, you’d see this:

# file: test
# owner: mike
# group: users
user::rw-
user:amy:r-x
group::r--
mask::r-x
other::---

You can see now that the user “amy” has been added to the permissions of the file. If you were to do an ls -l command, you’d see that the group permissions would be replaced with the value in the “mask” field. This value reflects the last permissions applied to the file. A similar command can be used to add groups:

setfacl -m g:plex:rwx test

This gave full permissions to any users in the “plex” group. Now my getfacl looks like this:

# file: test
# owner: mike
# group: users
user::rw-
user:amy:r-x
group::r--
group:plex:rwx
mask::rwx
other::---

Through all of this, if I were to do an ls -l, the mask on that line would now show the permissions of the “plex” group, not the user “amy”.

-rw-rwx---+ 1 mike users 0 Jul 17 21:23 test

And if in the end, you decide that you would rather return to the standard -rwxrwxrwx Unix type permissions, it’s as easy as this:

setfacl -b file

After that command, the + is gone, and the getfacl returns to it’s defaults.

 -rw-r-----  1 mike users  0 Jul 17 21:23 test
# file: test
# owner: mike
# group: users
user::rw-
group::r--
other::---

Really, this is just scratching the surface. There is so much more that you can do with this, but again, I’ve gone on too long. Tomorrow (probably), I’m going to cover lsattr and chattr, and the day after I want to take a look at sticky bits!

Fun with File Permissions – Part 1

First, a little side story. I like messing around with my Linux computer. I have fun just seeing what the operating system can do. I like to talk about what I find, probably because learning new things excites me. I get giddy when I find out something new about something that’s familiar. Unfortunately, in my house, no one cares but me. I sometimes try telling my wife about it, but to say she doesn’t care is an understatement. She doesn’t even pretend to pay attention when I’m talking any more.

I was playing around with Linux file permissions the other day. I’ve been using Linux on my personal desktop for over a decade, and I use it at work as a developer. I’ve never spent a lot of time where I was the one who administered a multi-user environment, so file permissions were always the basics for me. In my playing the other day, I found a whole bunch of new things that I never even knew existed, and since my wife would rather watch paint dry than hear me talk about file permissions in Linux, I’m turning to you.

I’m sure most people reading this post are familiar (at least superficially) with Linux file permissions. Simply doing an “ls -l” will show you the long listing format of the current directory. The very front of the line will show you the permissions of each file in the list. An example:

-rwx--x--x
drw-------

The top entry is a file, the second is a directory. Whether that file is a directory, link, or regular file is represented by the first character. – means that it’s a file, d that it’s a directory. Extremely simple. The next nine characters are broken down into three characters each representing the file’s permissions.

The first three characters are the owner’s rights, the second group of three is the Group’s rights, and the last group of three is the rights of everybody else.

What the example above shows us is that the owner of the file can read, write, and execute the file, the Group and the average user on the system only show execute rights. For the directory, the owner can read and write, but no one else can do anything at all.

These rights can be changed using the chmod command at the Linux command line. There’s a GUI to do this too, but I’m not going to deal with it right now because I really don’t feel like it. chmod uses a numeric combination to determine what rights to set. An example:

chmod 755 filename

This command give the file these rights:

-rwxr-xr-x

Basically, it gives the owner full rights to read, write, and execute. Everybody else can read and execute, but no writing.

Maybe I should be embarrassed by this, but for years I didn’t understand what the 7s or 5s or whatever represented. It seemed like arbitrarily assigned values. I was wrong about that, and the way that those values are arrived at is really ingenious in it’s simplicity. Let’s count a little bit in Binary:

1 = 001 = --x
2 = 010 = -w-
3 = 011 = -wx
4 = 100 = r--
5 = 101 = r-x
6 = 110 = rw-
7 = 111 = rwx

See what I mean? Brilliant in its simplicity.

There’s so much more to go into, but I’ve already gotten fairly long winded about this tonight. There will be at least two more parts to this little adventure I’m on. Tomorrow I want to cover getfacl and setfacl, and the day after lsattr and chattr.

If there are any more subjects on file permissions that you’d like to see covered, please let me know in comments and we can add more days.

A Linux User’s Day with a Mac

Oh $#!+.

Several days ago, I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when a received a new email. This is a regular occurrence for me, as I’m sure it is with most people in today’s office workplace. With not even a thought, I open it.

It’s not what you think. I didn’t get a virus or get fired or anything weird. It was a message from our corporate IT department informing me that my computer was due for a “refresh”.

What is a “refresh” you ask? Well, that’s when they take your computer and replace it with a new one. To top it off, I’d been selected to be a part of our Windows 7 pilot program. Our company is finally moving away from Windows XP and upgrading to Windows 7.

My reaction? “Oh $#!+.”

There’s no getting out of this, so I dutifully copy all my files that I hadn’t already stored on the network drive to a location where they will be safe. The IT department wants my computer “First thing in the morning”, so I drop my computer off at 8:00. They inform me that it will be at least 3 hours before my new one is ready.

My choices are now simple. I can either do without a computer for 3+ hours, or I can find a different system to use.

Casting my eye around my department, there is only one computer currently unused. One of our test systems. A Mac.

How bad can it be I ask myself? I used Macs quite a lot back in the 90s, and for a while was the “Mac guy” at the computer shop, fixing people’s broken Macs. Apple has always been renown for it’s ease of use and beauty. It was only for a couple hours. I could handle this!

Linux User

So, I’m sure anybody reading this is more than aware that my system of preference is Linux. I use Windows at work, but my home system is Linux Mint 12. I’ve made some changes to the default interface, and only use the top bar. I have no bottom bar. Most everything else is fairly stock.

My Thoughts on OSX

So, here’s where I tell you all about my experience. To put it as plainly as I can, it sucked.

First, the dock.

OSX, like Windows, has this stupid bar at the bottom. In the bar are your favorite apps, and running applications. Why should this be on your screen all the time? I know that you can have the stupid thing hide, but every time your mouse approaches that part of your screen, it pops up like some hyperactive chiwawa. It’s as bad as Windows. This is not something that needs to be on the screen all the time. The only time you need to see it is when you’re launching something new, or looking for something that’s already running.

Second, Exposé.

Exposé is actually the perfect solution for switching between applications, it’s it’s limitations in OSX make that impractical. Only applications not minimized show up in Exposé? Not smart. This is a much better way to pick between your windows rather than some nondescript icons where you can’t tell the difference between one terminal window or another. It effectively makes half of the dock completely useless. Why have that half of the dock when the functionality is better represented elsewhere?

Third, Spaces.

What kind of a half-assed hack is this? The functionality has been around in various forms of Unix since the 80s. It’s been improved upon and made very useful, but Apple’s version looks like something straight out of 1988.

Fourth, Exposé and Spaces?

Why the heck have both of them? In Linux Mint, hitting the super key on the keyboard brings up Mint’s Exposé type feature, with the virtual desktops along the right hand side of the monitor. They’re not seperate screens, and Windows can literally be moved from the existing Exposé type view to a completely different virtual space without leaving that screen. One screen, two functions. Apple’s method is straight out of the 90s, if that. It’s ancient, limited, and impractical.

Fifth, Macintosh HD.

On the system that I used, the only icon on the desktop was the Macintosh HD icon. This icon opened up to show your standard file browser type appliation, but what is all this junk inside of it? It takes you to a location that looks like / on a Linux box. Why the heck would you want to go there by default? You need access to your files! When I open Nautilus on my Linux box, it goes to my home directory! MINE. /home/mike. Not some random location with crap that I’m rarely if ever going to want to go to. I mean, “lost+found” and “Library”? What the hell?

Sixth, the Clock.

You’re probably wondering, what could possibly be bad about the clock? It’s a clock for pity’s sake. True, and as a time piece, OSX does very well. What I’m missing is functionality that I use every day in Linux but find sorely missing in OSX. Heck, even Windows does this. When you click on the clock on a Windows 7 box, you get a bigger clock and a calendar, as well as the ability to change your preferences. OSX is missing the calendar completely. On my Linux box, not only do I get a calendar, but on the right, I have a list of all my meetings. Below the meetings, I can open up my actual calendar application! Great functionality in the perfect place. Functionality sorely missing from OSX.

That’s what I found most about OSX. Missing functionality. Chances as making a good interface missed. In closing, I want to show you something. 

On the left, we see OSX, 10.0. Pristine the day it was launched. On the right, we have OSX, 10.7.3. 10.0 from 2001, 10.7.3 from 2011. A full 10 years difference. What’s changed? There’s a new, cool 3d effect on the dock. Color scheme has changed a bit. Yea, that’s pretty much it. This is the “innovative” OS? Are you shitting me?? Seriously?

Don’t even get me started on this iPad type launcher turd.

Conclusion.

So, how does the story end? When all was said and done, I was able to work in OSX. Corporate IT ended up taking 7 hours instead of 3 like I was hoping, so I ended up getting my new Windows 7 computer close to the end of the day. I can say it was with real glee that I ditched OSX to run (RUN I tell you) back to Windows (and that’s saying something). After starting some file transfers to get my personal files back on my hard drive, I gratefully went home, sat down in front of my “ugly”, “hard to use” Linux box and sighed with relief. I hope I don’t have to do that again for many, many years.

Second Thoughts about Linux

I’ve had people ask when they find out that I’m a Linux user if I miss Windows. Do I ever have any second thoughts about moving from Windows? They think that I have to, or maybe that I’ve never tried a Mac and that’s why I’ve chosen Linux over a Mac.

I recently agreed to help out a friend of mine who’s computer wasn’t working correctly. She dropped her computer off with me, and I setup the beast in an empty space. I fire this thing up to find that it’s running, of course, Windows XP. Everything seems to load up correctly, but the DNS just isn’t working. Pings work, no DNS. I go through the regular fixes and nothing is working.

This isn’t a “please help me fix this stupid Windows XP” type of post. No, it’s nothing like that. I’ve done this exact thing so many times, I can’t even tell you. I couldn’t begin to count. Thousands, if not tens of thousands of times. Every time, it’s the same crap. Infinite amounts of frustration.

See, people are always telling me how hard Linux is to make work. I don’t think that those people have the foggiest idea what goes into keeping Windows up and running correctly. My Linux desktop sits there on my desk, happily running along with never a care in the world. Every (and I mean that) Windows computer I’ve run across has had some type of problem losartan 100 mg.

So, to all those people out there that wonder if I miss Windows or if I’ve ever had second thoughts? The answer is HELL NO.

That’s all I wanted to say.

Screw those Arrogant Linux Using Jerks

I’ve been using Linux now for quite a while. I couldn’t even tell you when I first tried it. I can place a general time around 1997 or 1998. Probably 1997. So, if my math isn’t truly horrible, about 15 years with Linux. During that time, I’ve had many, many computers. I think Linux is amazing and right now, I wouldn’t use anything else, but I can say that it hasn’t always worked perfectly for me. When I’ve had troubles with it, I’ve done what every other person does when they have troubles. First, I Google. Second, I ask friends. Third, I go to the forums. I can’t think of a single negative experience I’ve had in the process.

Over the years, I’ve talked to many different people about Linux. Not all of them are fans. That’s just the way of humans. One thing that I’ve run into with some of the more…. let’s call them “unreasonable” people is the claim that “getting support from the Linux forums is a horrible experience. Linux users are rude, arrogant, condescending, blah blah blah.” Getting support for Linux is a really negative experience for them.

But here’s the trick.

Out of the people that I’ve seen make this claim I know a handful well enough to say, they’re dicks. Absolute assholes. Seeing them claim that the people on the Linux forums are big meanies just makes me wonder. Was the person hanging around the Linux forums just waiting to help out people that need a hand and receives no compensation other than personal satisfaction the rude, arrogant, and condescending one?

If you need to go to the forums and ask a Linux question, that’s fine. Be nice about it. These people aren’t paid to put up with your shit. Try to do a little research before hand and not just wade in expecting them to solve all your problems. If they have questions for you, that’s normal. I can absolutely guarantee you that no matter how much detail you put into your question, you missed something that might be important. If they start out with basic questions, don’t be offended. They deal with a lot of people, and not all of them are computer experts. They don’t know you.

Above all, show some respect. You’re coming to them for help. They don’t need anything from you. If you cop a ‘tude, expect them to ignore your whiny ass. It’s not because they’re rude, or arrogant, or condescending. It’s because you’re being a prick, and if you’re going to be a prick, you can fix your own goddamn problems.

Windows for Gaming

It’s funny. For years, I kept around a Windows partition just so that I could play the few games that still appealed to me.

Back in 2000, I picked up a copy of Unreal Tournament. I’m not even very good at it. Anybody that’s played me in PVP will attest, I’m the human shaped red splotch. Despite that, I really enjoyed playing, and I’ve kept it installed on every computer I’ve owned since up until the last one. It came with Windows 7 on it, and unfortunately, the game just didn’t work anymore. I can understand that. The game is over a decade old, and these things just can’t last forever. Still, I was really disappointed to lose one of my old favorites.

The other game I played was World of Warcraft. I’d never been to much into RPGs, but some coworkers got me into it back in around 2005. I wasn’t in the first round, but I did make my way mostly through vanilla. I finally cancelled my account a couple months back just out of sheer apathy. It’s still a fun game to play, and I think I’ll reup when the next expansion comes out. I just don’t feel like paying to rep grind right now.

I didn’t really have any other games that I was playing other than Fruit Ninja on my Xbox, so the point in having a Windows partition was lost. When I installed Ubuntu 11.10, Windows went the way of the dodo. Good riddance in my book. I’ve since moved to Mint 12, which I really enjoy.

<img class="alignright" src="http://www losartan 50 mg.tooft.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Broken_Windows_by_Zickart3.jpg” alt=”” width=”277″ height=”221″ />A while back, I thought that I’d try out World of Warcraft in Linux. It was a snap. Didn’t require any special configuration or anything. The game just loaded like a dream in my Linux environment.  All the more reason that I’m happy without Windows.

In an odd twist of fate, I ran across my Unreal Tournament game this weekend. The thought crossed my mind that since World of Warcraft worked so well, maybe I could get Unreal Tournament working. It didn’t work in Windows 7, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t work in Linux. So, a brief install later, and some minor messing with WINE configuration to make it run in a Window instead of full screen, I have a working version of Unreal Tournament on my Linux box.

All those years of keeping a Windows partition just to play games were pointless. I can do anything and everything I’ve ever wanted to do on a computer on Linux. I don’t know that I’d recommend my configuration to a real gamer, but to a casual like myself, it turns out that Linux is probably just as good as Windows for gaming.

Now, if more people just knew that.

Open Source Linux has Nothing to Fear from Android

Android has been exploding in popularity since it’s release to the public in 2008. Recently, it’s success has bred a new collection of rumors and FUD. HP’s new CEO Meg Whitman claimed that Google’s acquisition of Motorola would lead to Android being becoming closed source. It seems ridiculous, and is probably just an effort to bring herself more public attention, but there have been some people out in the real world that have also expressed concern. I received a tweet, saying “I am concerned that at the end Android kills the open source Linux community.” I don’t think that will happen. Here’s why.

Linux is open source. Now, this might seem like a great big “Duh” thing to say, but I think it’s important.

Even if Google were to close source Android, the source code is out there. Even Google doesn’t have the power to erase something from the Internet once it’s been put out there. I have yet to see anybody that does short of just throwing the power switch on the whole darn thing. Maybe some strategically placed EMPs covering the globe could pull it off. The Open Source community is far older than Linux, and the Linux Open Source community will exist as long as the community wants it to.

Let’s assume that Android takes off like nothing before it. iOS becomes a fading memory, the only thing left of OSX is the boxes used to prop opens doors and discs that get burned in the microwave for fun. Windows is relegated to a not-so-fond memory of a BSOD. Why would Linux disappear? The Open Source Community is a major contributor to the kernel that drives Android. Yes, there are many multi-billion dollar corporations that also contribute to the kernel, but if those corporations deviate from what the community believes is right, those changes just won’t get incorporated into the kernel.

Even assuming those corporations manage to mount a coup and take over the kernel completely, the Community doesn’t take that kind of behavior lying down. A good example is OpenOffice. When Oracle started being a too heavy handed in their management of the OpenOffice suite, the community rebelled, forked off of OpenOffice and created LibreOffice. Oracle tried to fight the community, but eventually had to concede (ie. they lost badly), donating the entirety of the OpenOffice suite to the Apache Foundation.

No, when it comes to Linux, we don’t have to worry that Android’s success is going to cost Linux in the long run. Meg Whitman can blather any kind of FUD she wants. The Open Source Linux Community is self sufficient. They manage themselves, and they will be around as long as they want to be around. In 50 years, will they still be working on Linux? No one can know for sure, but if they’re not, it’s because they’ve moved on to something they think is better, not because Android succeeded.

The Stupid Overwelms Me

Today I read what I can only say is the most stupid explanation for why people choose Windows over Linux (or Mac for that matter). I couldn’t even think of a response.

Its like this question – if you take a baby girl and a baby boy and place them on a deserted island with just food and water, would they know how to reproduce. The answer is yes they will because it is part of human nature and is natural. As is Windows is natural to a PC. Linux and OS X no matter how good they are, just aren’t a natural choice.

I don’t usually dedicate a whole post to something like this, but the sheer magnitude of the stupid demands it.

If Linux was a car (Hater’s edition)

Originally posted on October 23, 2011 by Michael Hall on Michael Hall’s Blog.

There have been several humorous variations of the “If Linux was a car…” theme, but a recent rant against Linux made me wonder, what would the stereotypical hater’s opinion be on our modern automobiles?  Here is how I imagine it would go:

I’m giving up on cars.  Every few years I test-drive a car, to see if they’ve reached the point where they are usable to every day people, and every time I am disappointed.  Sure, maybe coverall-wearing mechanics and uber-elite NASCAR drivers can figure out how to operate them, but they’re just too damned complicated for your average joe.

 

To start off, there are literally hundreds of different kinds of cars, and they’re all different.  How do car makers expect a non-expert to be able to select one?  Most manufacturers even make different “models” of their car, so it’s not enough to just say you want a Ford, now you have to decide which Ford you want.  I don’t know ahead of time whether I’m going to want to move furniture, go off-roading or cruise the Autobahn, why should I have to pick one?  Why can’t they just make one car that does everything?

 

And once you finally do pick a car, it’s nearly impossible to maintain.  You can’t even replace the air filter without opening the hood!  My Grandma isn’t going to open the hood. Even regular maintenance can ruin your car if it’s not done in exactly, EXACTLY, the right frickin’ way.  After test-driving the latest version of some Toyota, a light came on telling me it needed more fuel.  Okay, I thought, there’s a fueling station right down the block, this should be easy enough.  But no.  First of all, I don’t even know what side of the car the fuel opening is on, so I pull up to a pump only to discover it’s on the other side! (I later found out that there’s a nearly hidden message on the dash indicating what side it’s on, but it’s certainly not made abundantly clear).  After pulling around to another pump, I’m greeted by not one, not two, but four different kinds of fuel.  At this point I probably should have spent an hour reading the car’s manual to discover which of these mystery liquids is the right one, but I just want to drive, I don’t want to become a freakin’ mechanic!  So I pick the one with the nicest looking handle (a pretty green one called “Diesel”), and don’t you know it, the stupid thing doesn’t even fit my car!  Luckily the convenience store sells fuel containers, so I can at least pump five gallons at a time into that, then pour it into my car.  It’s a horrible user experience and an lot of work, but at least now I have a full tank right?  Well not so fast, evidently this fuel sucks, or my car sucks, or something, but it’s making an awful lot of smoke and driving slow.  Who’d have thought that something as simple as refueling could wreck this thing?

 

So that car is a lost cause, but I want to finish my review of automobiles, so I borrow one from a colleague who is always telling me that his works just fine.  Luckily for me it has a full tank already, so I don’t have to try and navigate that minefield again.  His car runs fairly well, but it doesn’t have much “bling” if you know what I mean.  I decided to install some features that I’ve seen on other cars, so I go to my nearest big-box store and immediately I’m hit with another huge list of options.  Seriously,  how many different CD players do we need?  I just want one that plays music.  I don’t really know which one is best, so I just grab the cheapest one they have only to discover that, yet again, it doesn’t “Just fit”.  This thing is about an inch too tall for my co-workers dashboard.  This time I consult The Google, and find a video tutorials for installing this thing.  So I grab mySawzall and some plywood, and follow along.  The end result isn’t pretty, and it has a faint burning-plastic smell when I turn the volume up, but at least I got somethingworking.

 

So now I am cruising around town with my Katy Perry blasting and the windows down (because that darn burning plastic smell makes me dizzy), only to be stopped by the “traffic police”.  What nobody bothered to tell me when I was looking at using a car was that evidently there are rules you have to follow.  There are so many rules, I later learned, that there’s an entire manual devoted to them.  And a test too!  Do people really expect that their parents will be able to remember all of these crazy rules?  Any why does my car even have the ability to go 120 MPH if I’m not even allowed to do it?

 

So that’s it, I’m giving up.  Cars are just too damn complicated for normal people to use.  There are too many choices, most of which will end up breaking your car.  There are too many rules, and by the time you follow them all driving it’s even fun anymore.  To top it all off, my brand new CD player ended up causing a small fire even though I followed every single one of the YouTube video’s instructions.  So I returned this smoldering pile of junk to my co-worker, and as he was muttering something about “theft” and “pressing charges”, I promised myself that from that point on I was sticking to my good old trustworthy horse and buggy.

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